No, I am here to talk about YOUR SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS and their CRUSHING VICTORY yesterday. In the past 2 days, they have scored over 102 runs while homering 26 times and holding the Reds to CONSTANT HUMILIATION. Everyone homered 3 times and Jonathan Sanchez gave up a couple of homers just to lead them on and make them think they were in it.
What's that, Cincinnati Enquirer? Giants again pound Reds, 16-5? That's right. Pablo Sandoval grabbed a 32-ounce bat, walked out to the pitcher's mound, and LITERALLY BEAT TRAVIS WOOD TO DEATH WITH IT. Paramedics arriving on the scene called it a "horror" and said "Normal, functioning humans should never have to look at something like that. I'm going to get sick. Get out of the way unless you want paramedic vomit on you."
You think this doesn't feel good? Were you sitting next to me freezing your fucking ass off in May when they lost 7-3 to the fucking Nationals? How about when they scored ZERO FUCKING RUNS against the Rockies and Blue Jays and God, yes, the Dodgers, and even the Cards just this past Sunday? Remember that? That fucking sucked ass. So yes, permit me to gloat a little.
I don't know if this is a playoff team or if last night was an aberration but I can tell you it felt nice to sit on my Comfy Chair with all the doors and windows in my house open sweating like a motherfucker and drink a few beers and watch my offense-starved team score runs like the 1936 Yankees.
Hmmmmmmm.
[UPDATE: Somebody bought the tickets pictured above ALREADY. FUCK. Well, I guess I'll just stay at my stupid JOB and PRETEND TO WORK like every other day.]
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