Hank and the First Amendment: A Primer

To no one's great surprise, ESPN and Hank Williams have parted ways after he compared Obama and Boehner playing golf to Hitler and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu playing golf. Just as well; we've been subjected to that retarded "Are you ready for some football" song for 20 FUCKING YEARS. About damn time to shake things up.

Anyway, Hank immediately played the Victim Card:

"After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision," he wrote in a statement on his website. "By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It's been a great run."

No.

Here's what the First Amendment actually says:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

First phrase: CONGRESS shall make no law. Not ESPN shall make no law. The First Amendment is designed to keep the GOVERNMENT from telling you what you can and can't say, not ESPN or any other basic cable network. Or your employer. Or your Mom. Or any other non-governmental body. Hank Williams Jr. and ESPN had a mutually beneficial business relationship. When ESPN decided that it would no longer be beneficial, they cancelled it. I have no idea what kind of contract ESPN and Bocephus had, but I'm sure it didn't contain a provision saying that "ESPN will not terminate its relationship with Williams Jr. because of any retarded thing he says in public." But there's not First Amendment involvement here at all.

(Of course, over the years, courts have added a number of exceptions to the seemingly plain "Congress shall make no law . . . abridging the freedom of speech." It's illegal to threaten to kill someone, for example, even though that's a law abridging the freedom of speech. But that's neither here nor there.)

Oh, one more thing: I fully support Hank's right to say whatever the fucks he wants. If he wants to say Obama faked the moon landing and is secretly a Chinese spy, go for it. I'm just saying that ESPN firing him has nothing to do with the First Amendment, despite what he says in his oddly capitalized email.

Monday: Random

- I saw a completely naked guy on a bicycle on the corner of Church and Market yesterday. Is that a thing now? Naked bicycling? There wasn't even a group, just him. Whatever. Everyone is an attention whore in their own way. Walk around with a parrot on your shoulder? Attention whore. Have a face full of metal? Attention whore. BART protester? Attention whore. Naked bicyclist? You guessed it.

- Here's a completely fake rant about Hardly Strictly Bluegrass:

Oh great! Where else can 600,000 white people crawl all over each other and talk through a performance by the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Band singing songs about a life of hardship and deprivation that the crowd pretends to embrace but which is as foreign to them as a moon rock, since "deprivation" to this crowd is a full parking lot at Trader Joe's? Yes, I know you spread out your blanket at 11 am to save you 8 square feet of space but I don't see any Deed from the City and County of SF tranferring title of this muddy patch of GG Park to you and unless you've developed the first working force field, people are going to walk over your blanket and you're going to have to get the fuck over it.

j/k. I didn't even go this year because I don't like crowds and it's always a nightmare getting anywhere afterwards. But I honestly think it's a very nice event and I've always enjoyed it in the past. But: Too Crowded.

[Also, professional musician? Attention whore.]

- I know it's Election Season again when fucking campaign workers start knocking on my door. (PARENTHETICAL: Does this happen to everyone, or am I just especially afflicted?) One day last time around, we had something like 8 different people come to the door in one day. I've gotta put the "No Campaign Workers" sign back on the door. This time it was 11 am on Sunday morning. I'm sorry, but that is fucking bullshit. You do not knock on someone's door before noon on Sunday. (Well, you should never knock on someone's door, but ESPECIALLY not before noon on Sunday.) So, David Chiu, guess who's not voting for you now?

When they knocked on the door, my dog naturally went apeshit like he do and I yelled through the door "WHO IS IT" and I heard someone say "David Chiu for Mayor" and I said "IT'S NOT A GOOD TIME" and now I wish I had said "YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS BEFORE I OPEN THE DOOR AND LET THIS DOG OUT."

A true story of injustice averted. And a pop-punk cover of a Joni Mitchell song.

It's Friday! Thank God. Here's the Parasites' cover of Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now":



How I got here today: Go to bagel store. Order sesame bagel toasted with butter. Lady at counter asks if I want butter "on both sides." (Odd, but whatever.) VOILA. Parasites' cover of "Both Sides Now" pops into my head.

But that's not what we're here to talk about today. Remember that whack-ass chick that's renting the garage next to my house? The one who's stealing the parking spaces? Who wanted to use our wireless network? SHE'S UP TO NO GOOD AGAIN.

First, a little backstory. As part of this bitch's quest to monopolize the parking spaces in front of our house, she parks her fucking beat-up hooptie scooter in one of the spaces to occupy it so then she can pull her car into the other half of the space and half in front of her fucking garage. I'm not explaining this right but you get the idea. Basically, her janky scooter is always always always parked in the same space in front of our house. She only moves it for street cleaning. It's basically a traffic cone with a basket.

So yesterday I'm coming home from my workstation and there's a Lexus SUV (annoying, I know, but that's another story) parked in front of the scooter WITH A NOTE ON THE WINDSHIELD. Oh yay. I love a good bitchy note. So I read it and basically it's Bitchy McBitchface accusing the Lexus of knocking over her piece of shit scooter! And she says "I've already reported this to my insurance company"! So I roll my eyes and go inside.

Where I talk to my sister (who is temporarily staying with us after breaking up w/ her bf, but that's a whole other story) who's just as nosy as I am and constantly watches the Outdoor Activity like I do and SHE SAW THE WHOLE THING GO DOWN. And guess what? LEXUS SUV HAS BEEN FALSELY ACCUSED. Sister says that Lexus parked and like an hour later the scooter topples over TOWARDS THE LEXUS and then McBitchface comes out and huffs around and leaves her Poison Pen Letter.

(I should explain that the windows of our living room are DIRECTLY ABOVE these parking spaces and if you're in the living room you basically see and hear everything that happens out there. It's not like she's sitting in the window spying on the neighborhood. Not that she wouldn't do that, but I don't think she was.)

WAIT IT GETS BETTER. As she is recounting this tale of False Accusation to me, LEXUS SUV OWNER WALKS UP AND READS THE NOTE AND STARTS INSPECTING THE SCENE OUTSIDE. She looks exactly like what you imagine when you hear "Lexus SUV owner." ANYWAY, I shove my sister out the door to right this injustice and volunteer to be a witness because anything that will fuck McBitchface is good with me. And the first thing Lexus says is "I DIDN'T HIT YOUR SCOOTER!!!!!!" and my sister is like "Chill, lady, not my scooter," and tells her the whole story and everything. JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED BITCH.

Wow, this a boring story. I just realized that. Sorry.

Lyric Deconstruction: "American Ride"

Toby Keith, 2009



Winter gettin' colder, summer gettin' warmer.

Tidal wave comin' 'cross the Mexican border.

Why buy a gallon, it's cheaper by the barrel.

Just dont get busted singin' Christmas carols.



By this point, about 24 seconds into the song, you're probably thinking "Oh no, here's some more Toby Keith retarded bullshit," and you're partially right. It's difficult to put a charitable spin on "Tidal wave comin' cross the Mexican border." And if you have any reports of anyone being arrested for singing Christmas carols, do forward them.



That's us, that's right

Gotta love this American ride.

Both ends of the ozone burnin.

Funny how the world keeps turnin.

Look ma, no hands.

I love this American ride.

Gotta love this American ride.



I feel like I really don't have to explain that ozone degradation and the rotation of the Earth are two widely disconnected phenomena. I mean, we could lose the entire ozone layer - indeed, the entire atmosphere - and the world would keep turnin, for billions of years. It's angular momentum, a widely-understood property of physics. So it's really not that funny that the world keeps turnin. IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL.



But wait! You have to see the video to appreciate this song. I mean, it's a terrible video, but it makes clear that this song is an equal opportunity hater.







There's a fascinating scene that begins around :40. We see the classic American Gothic couple, only they're getting foreclosed on! And what's replacing the family farm? Big box stores!



Now wait a minute. Isn't the guiding principle of unfettered capitalism that you should be free to do whatever you want with your money? So if you're Best Buy or whatever and you want to buy a farm and put up a store there, you should be able to, right? So what's the problem, Toby Keith? What are you, some kind of socialist?



Momma gets her rocks off watchin' Desperate Housewives.

Daddy works his ass off payin' for the good life.

Kids on the YouTube learnin how to be cool.

Livin in a cruel world, pays to be a mean girl.



I guess this is more or less the standard kind of workin-hard-to-make-a-buck-my-wife-don't-understand country music stuff. Hard to have any problem with that.



Chorus



At this stage in the video, we are presented with two interesting animated images. The first is Pat Robertson riding George W. Bush like a horse. Let's set aside the extremely disturbing aspects of this tableau and try to divine what's implied here - that Bush was a tool of the Religious Right? Meh, he certainly had that potential, and God knows what would have happened, but 9/11 kind of took the focus off those nutbags.



The second image is Obama being carried aloft by Wall Street bankers. Hard to argue with that. In fact, that's probably the most straightforward and accurate political commentary in the whole thing.



Poor little infamous, America's town.

She gained five pounds and lost her crown.

Quick fix plastic surgical antidote.

Got herself a record deal, can't even sing a note.



Hmmmm. Well, Dominique Ramirez, Miss San Antonio, did, in fact, lose accuse pageant officials of taking her crown when she gained weight. But I have no information that she got herself a record deal.



(I initially thought this was a backhanded slap at Carrie Underwood, another former pageant contestant who got herself a record deal. But I think the consensus is that she's a perfectly fine singer, although, I confess, I'm not really down with the Nashville gossip.)



Plasma gettin bigger, Jesus gettin smaller.

Spill a cup of coffee, make a million dollars.

Customs caught a thug with an aerosol can.

If the shoe don't fit, fits gonna hit the shan.



I have to confess, when I first heard this, I thought "I, for one, am glad that plasma is widely available! It's a valuable life-saving tool that doctors in emergency situations use every day!" Oh, wait, he's not talking about that, is he. Oh, he means TVs.



Well, so what if TVs are getting bigger! That's progress!



I won't even bother with the frivolous lawsuits thing. Yawn.



The last line is completely impenetrable, and I assume the songwriters just ran out of gas at the end. Just as I have here.



Chorus

This is a partial list of things that unaccountably enrage me and probably shouldn't

1. People who take up 2 parking spaces

2. Perfectly able people who push the handicapped door opener button and then stand there and let the doors majestically swing open like they're the Queen of England

3. Recycling poachers

4. People who yell into their cell phones

5. People who chatter away obliviously on cell phones while they're blocking an aisle in the grocery store or blocking the sidewalk or something

6. Pretty much anyone talking on a cell phone in public, ever. Text, you bastards, text.

7. People who walk more than two abreast on a sidewalk. BONUS: They're walking slowly. DOUBLE BONUS: They're walking four abreast and all talking on cell phones.

8. iTunes

9. "There is a new version of iTunes available. Would you like to download?" Hey Apple, how about saving up the changes and just releasing a new version once every six months, instead of every other day?

10. The bagger at Safeway yesterday who put my bread at the bottom of the bag

11. Fox Sports

Fox has now completely Onionized itself

From Fox Nation (via Dave Weigel on Slate):



I normally wouldn't even touch this because, hey Fox News and all, but it appears that they have finally rounded the corner into complete and total self-parody and I thought I'd just leave this here as a marker of that event.

This cracks me up, obviously, and not just because it's a transparently racist sop to hardcore conservatives but also because WHEN DID CHARLES BARKLEY AND CHRIS ROCK START RAPPING? God, I hope they aren't rapping.

Also, just because everyone loves a good counterfactual, can you imagine if NPR ran a headline like "George Bush's redneck hootenanny fails to stop terrorism" or "Dick Cheney's wild gunfire party fails to prevent fellow plutocrat from getting face half blown off"? I mean, I think NPR would be a lot more entertaining if they did that, but no, you can't imagine that.

But hey, "fair and balanced"!

Trip Report: Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum

I just got back from visiting my Dad in Tennessee for his birthday (Happy Birthday, Dad! Please stop working harder than me, you're making me look bad!) and I went to the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum for the first time in my life and you know what? Old-time country music stars were gangsta as fuck.

Oh, before we get to that, here's the sign on the front door:

No, those aren't my sandals reflected in the front door. I don't wear fucking sandals. Those are my adidas Samoas, though. Anyway, NO WEAPONS. First museum I've ever been to where you had to be told not to bring weapons in. It sure as fuck doesn't say NO WEAPONS on the front door of the Louvre! TAKE THAT YOU PUSSY-ASS FRENCH MUSEUM!!!

Anyway, these country music guys used to booze harder and take more drugs and do more chicks than anyone else. They were basically the Motley Crue of their day.

Check out Gram Parsons' sweet Nudie suit with the marijuana leaf embroidery:



This next thing, though, blew my mind. Hank Williams shot some squirrels and then had them mounted by a taxidermist to look like they were playing in a little squirrel band and then displayed this gross little tableau in his house. My picture of it didn't turn out well, but I found this one online:



Welcome these fellas to your nightmares for the next few weeks. Anyway, Hank Williams took painkillers by the fistful and was a full-time drunk and still was one of the most most influential songwriters for both country and rock of all time.

And how about George Jones? Here, he tells it best:

Once, when I had been drunk for several days, Shirley decided she would make it physically impossible for me to buy liquor. I lived about eight miles from Beaumont and the nearest liquor store. She knew I wouldn't walk that far to get booze, so she hid the keys to every car we owned and left. But she forgot about the lawn mower. I can vaguely remember my anger at not being able to find keys to anything that moved and looking longingly out a window at a light that shone over our property. There, gleaming in the glow, was that ten-horsepower rotary engine under a seat. A key glistening in the ignition.

I imagine the top speed for that old mower was five miles per hour. It might have taken an hour and a half or more for me to get to the liquor store, but get there I did.

I fucking love George Jones. Here's some for you right now:

The Bachelorette: More of this Bentley crap and frankly, everyone's fucking sick of it now

Like Romeo and Juliet, this season of the Bachelorette has also been all about star-cross'd lovers, although instead of the Montagues and Capulets, we have a relentlessly perky future dentist from Maine and a heavy-lidded sociopath from Salt Lake City with a daughter named "Cozy." This season has been all about Ashley Chipmunk and Bentley and we are reminded of that fact by his name coming up about 10 times in the first 3 minutes of this episode and as it turns out ABC has flown him to Hong Kong, the next stop on our Worldwide Tour, and I am hoping for a murder-suicide but will no doubt be disappointed. Instead, Chipmunk goes to see him in the hotel and I guess he sort of dumps her or something and anyway she walks away to this swelling music that is meant to make us think that she is a Soaring Bird Who Will Fly Away With Love. She also sums it up with a bleeped "fuck you" and would have come in handy, oh, THREE EPISODES AGO.

Let's get back on track now. Solo date with Lucas, who has never been to any big city, so Hong Kong should be a good start. Chipmunk must be feeling better because she's back to spouting her usual inanities like "Look at the street market! People are selling things!" (ACTUAL QUOTE, NOT MADE UP.) Very good, Ashley! What does the cow say? Then they have some dinner on a boat and he tells his boring divorce story and whatever. Why did I decide not drinking on Monday nights was a good idea?

Group date time. The 6 losers are separated into groups of 2 and then electrocuted on the beach. No, wait, I was just imagining that. No, instead they must fan out in Hong Kong and recruit people to man dragon boats for a race. A surprising number of locals have Prior Dragon Boat Experience! It must be like Rec League softball there. Anyway, then there's a dragon boat race that's about as interesting as a rerun of the McNeil-Lehrer Report from 1981. For the Night Portion of the date, we are off to some Vegas hotel-looking bar where Ames yanks Chipmunk into an elevator and does what I guess he imagines the humans think is romantic. Seriously, this guy is SO FUCKING WEIRD. He's like a bad actor trying to play someone who's uncomfortable all the time.

Solo date w/ JP. They're having dinner in "Kowloon Walled City," she thinks but I don't think so because "demolition began in March 1993 and was completed in April 1994." Oh, wait, I guess there's a touristy replacement thing. Anyway, usual outdoor dining thing. God forbid we go more than 10 minutes without a Bentley reference so she tells him all about her meetup with Bentley and JP nods all understanding-like and he's all like "Thank you for your honesty," you crazy fucking basket case. Then they take some tram up to the top of this mountain and HOLY SHIT THERE'S THAT SAME GUY FROM EVERY SUBWAY STATION PLAYING THAT CHINESE INSTRUMENT THING. You cannot get away from that guy. He is stalking us all.

Cocktail Party! Holy shit, things are busting out all over with Chipmunk and the Breastanator 5000 dress she's rocking. Lest another second pass without a mention of He Who Is Called Bentley, she repeats her fucking Breakup Story to the whole group and ABOUT FUCKING TIME instead of cocking their heads to the side and saying "Awwwww," THEY PISSED. Good for you guys! Chipmunk deploys the Girl Natural Defense Mechanism, crying alone quietly, but they ain't having it. Mickey's all "I don't know what you saw in that guy" and bounces! Good for you, man! Blake gets all pissed too but then he realizes this isn't really helping but it's too late because once you're mean to Ashley she will love you forever never forgive you. He gets cut.

Exit interview: Blake says, plaintively, "I just want a friend." Blake, you need to be on "America's Next Top SPCA Rescue" because WE ARE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS.

I went to Oakland last night and saw some music and then my dog got attacked this morning (unrelated)

Let me just say preliminarily that I'm a little freaked out right now because when I took my dog for his walk at like 6:30 this morning we came around a corner and he got attacked by 3 bigger dogs. I got them off him and scooped him up and managed to yell "Put your fucking dog on a leash" before I saw that they had leashes on but I guess the chick walking them couldn't control her dogs. Last I saw as I was scurrying away was her chasing one of the dogs down the middle of the fucking street. My dog's back leg got cut and he was bleeding but now it's stopped but I'm kind of freaked out even though he's fine. Sheesh, being a parent must be fucking IMPOSSIBLE if I get this freaked out about my dog getting hurt. I don't know how you guys do it.

ANYWAY. Last night we went to see Okkervil River at the Fox in Oakland. I used to like Okkervil River. In case you're not familiar, it's semi-anthemic earnest guitar-based indie rock for white people. Seriously, I did not see a single Person of Color at the show. Not even an Asian. This must be what Iceland looks like.

So just a couple of observations about Okkervil River at the Fox Theater:

1. I say I "used to like" Okkervil River because I'm not sure if I love them any more. They kind of lost me halfway through their set when they did the obligatory Slow Portion with the lead singer Will Sheff just playing acoustic guitar by himself and then it went on and on and on with one dirge after another and it was SO BORING. Is it possible my attention span's gotten shorter as I've gotten older? How could that be?

2. Speaking of Will Sheff, it occurs to me that he sorta looks like Time Lincecum! Check it out:





Weird, huh?

3. I know I sound like a crank who just likes to bitch, but I have sung Okkervil River's praises in the past, so that's not entirely true. I mean, I am a crank who likes to bitch, but not just a crank who likes to bitch.

4. No, really, when I saw them at the Independent a few years ago, it was maybe one of the best shows I've ever seen! They were fucking KILLER. Significantly, there was no long boring part in the middle.

5. The encore was "Westfall" and "Unless It's Kicks," so that was good. "Unless It's Kicks" is maybe one of my favorite songs ever.

6. I like the Fox in Oakland. The floor level has these different levels that lead up to the bar and at one of them there are tables and chairs. Where anyone can just sit! Heaven for old people like me. And the usher in front of us kept shooing people OUT OF OUR SIGHT LINE like I was the Prime Minister or something! I must have clicked on some box to get this service when I ordered the tickets online.

7. The Wife drove. We made it back to SF in 15 minutes.

OK, gotta go to the 12:45 Giants game BRB.

Urban etiquette: an occasional series

Today's topic: Neighbors.

Fucking neighbors, am I right?



If you're reading this and you live in a city, you probably either have or have had problems with some annoying fucking neighbors. I have had some bad experiences myself, like:

- When I lived (unfortunately and sadly) in Santa Cruz, I lived in this condo building near the beach and the next door neighbors were this old white couple from Walnut Creek that perfectly summed up and embodied "old white couple from Walnut Creek" with the fucking late-model Caddy and the condescending attitude and the whole 9 and they would come down to their Weekend Place which happened to adjoin my Everyday Place and they would fucking BLAST THEIR TV LIKE THEY WERE TRANSMITTING MATLOCK INTO SPACE and I had to have a talk with the old lady and she couldn't understand what the fuck was wrong. Bitch.

- Oh and as I alluded to last week, my place in North Beach was directly above a Divorced Mom Who Became a Lesbian and her two right-around-teenage kids and Mom used to jet off on the weekends to do lesbian stuff or whatever and leave the kids alone right around the time they discovered metal and you can guess where it went from there. Now, I'm not exactly a go-to-bed-when-the-sun-sets kinda guy, especially on weekends, but when the Metallica starts up at fucking 9 am on a Saturday YOU BET YOUR ASS WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM. Little fuckers. I hope they're both in juvie now. GREAT JOB PARENTING ABSENTEE MOM.

We lucked out and have a place now that only has one wall in common with another place and so we don't really have neighbor problems any more except for the Creepy Old Guy whose back stair landing faces our back door. COG looks to be maybe late 60s and is bald and bearded and British, apparently, and typically wears suspenders and a t-shirt and comes out to smoke on his back landing and also FUCKING BLARES music outside to the whole fucking neighborhood, shit like Bob Dylan and Cab Calloway and scratchy old blues records. For the life of me I can't understand why he has to open all his doors and treat the entire neighborhood to his stupid fucking music but he usually turns it off by around 8 so I guess I don't have to kill him and his family YET.

ANYWAY. I don't want to hear this bullshit about "It's a city, if you don't like it move to the suburbs." Fuck you. This is about common courtesy. We all live on top of each other and a little bit of thoughtfulness goes a long way. So here's how to be a good neighbor:

1. When you come home shitfaced at 2 am, don't fucking blast "California Gurls." If you want to rock out to some guilty pleasures, you have headphones. Use them.

2. Do you live above someone? Any time something hits your floor, I guarantee it sounds like a bomb going off through the ceiling to your downstairs neighbor. Watch it with clomping around in your Doc Martens.

3. Why are you hanging pictures at 1 am on a Tuesday? If you're not spun out on meth, you have no excuse. Driving nails is a Daytime Activity.

4. I know "According to Jim" reruns are funnier when you can hear them in every room of your apartment, but give us a break and turn the fucking TV down a little bit.

Life is tough and we all have our own struggles to work through. But we can all get along better and be happier and more productive citizenbots if we just look out for each other. Take 30 fucking seconds and think about someone besides yourself, OK?

I'm going to randomly put money in parking meters today. Random acts of kindness, you dig?

This week's Your Free iTunes Downloads Reviews

Not a good week. Lots of subpar electropop, plus yet another song in Spanish that I don't feel qualified to judge. Let's get started.

Andy Grammer, "Miss Me"



You've heard this song a million times before. It sounds like the background music in a commercial for visiting Nevada or something. It's super-clean and shiny and totally devoid of life. This will show up in a Kate Hudson romcom during the "we broke up and I'm sad and moping around the house" montage towards the end.

Owl City, "Deer in the Headlights"



Ugh, this is terrible. It's like they didn't even put any effort into it. Just string together some synth effects and any melody that pops into your head and call it a day. Are all their songs this bad? No wonder people hate them so much. Fuck this.

Jadakiss, "Hold You Down" (f/ Emmany)





Seriously, I was really liking Jada at the beginning and then WHAM we get hit with the totally predictable R&B chorus. Why you gotta mess up a perfectly good rap song by cutting and pasting a Destiny's Child chorus in the middle of it? Oh well, guess "Emmany" needs to work too.

Ziggy Marley, "Forward to Love"



Really, Ziggy? This is what you're doing? This isn't any good, even by reggae standards. I mean, it seriously sounds like something some white college kids put together after listening to "Legend" for a whole semester.

Junior Boys, "Itchy Fingers"



WOW THIS IS SO BORING.

Here are some sentences you might hear when this is playing in the background:

"The dentist will see you now."

"Your call is very important to us. Please continue to hold and we will be with you shortly."

"Welcome to T.J. McGillicudy's! My name is Cody and I'll be your server today."

"This sure is a good song, Mark Sanchez!"

Justice, "Civilization"



The video, which seems to involve a herd of bison trying to keep from getting crushed by falling statutes, is far more interesting than the song. Poor bison. I thought Justice was supposed to be good? This isn't very good.

Sie7e, "Tengo tu love"



I'm kind of uncomfortable judging songs sung mostly in Spanish because I don't really know enough about the genres to know what I'm talking about. This is some kind of vaguely reggae-ish thing where the guy uses some English words like "love" and "black card" and whatever, I'm not the right person to ask.

THE VERDICT:Even though they're all free, nothing worth downloading this week. Unless you happen to love terrible electropop. Seriously, Owl City must be stopped, for the good of music.

The Bachelorette: A Very Special All-Crying Episode!

Like many of you, or nobody else in the world, I spent last night flipping back and forth between The Trials of Ashley Chipmunk on DVR and the 13-inning marathon that the Giants eventually won and so forgive me if I accidentally write about Chipmunk's date with Jeremy Affeldt or seem to remember Bentley bunting in the 11th. ANYWAY.

Solo date with Ben C. I have no memory of this anonydude. Chipmunk tells us that she's been working with "Flash Mob America" to coordinate the perfect Flash Mob. Oh Christ. Flash Mob America's website is down today, I assume because there are thousands of mouthbreathing jelly donuts who have never heard the term "Flash Mob" and are furiously looking it up on AOL today but their Tumblr says they are "a nationwide, full service Flash Mob production company with an extensive community of passionate Flash Mob enthusiasts from all over the country!" Oh fuck you.

Anyway, they go to some fancy-ass strip mall with a lawn called "The Americana" in fucking Glendale and sit on the tiny patch of grass while tourists and shopaholics photograph them like they're snow leopards or retarded monkeys. Then Flash Mob America shows up for a carefully packaged and rehearsed spontaneous dance exhibition to "Like a G6" and God if I never hear that song again it'll be too soon. Oh look, Far East Movement is here because I guess donating bone marrow or going to a poetry slam wasn't painful enough.

(At this point, I got a text from an associate that said "Helicopters: Out. Asians: In" but I didn't understand it at all until she clarified that Far East Movement contains Asians but it's cool because she's 1/4 Asian.)

They have dinner at the Hilton Checkers (really, Hilton? Hilton Checkers? The fuck?) and Ben C. is apparently dining on pharmaceutical grade cocaine because he starts babbling wildly about wanting to "live in a bubble with somebody" which is in fact an "unrealistic idealistic bubble where we're convinced we're more in love than any other couple that ever lived" and then sucks in air through his teeth and goes "MAN I FUCKING LOVE THE HILTON CHECKERS AND BEING ON THIS SHOW. FUCKING LOVE IT." Chipmunk seems to like this mania.

Back at Douche Ranch, Mask Guy takes Ash aside and is ready to take off the mask and he does it and OMG IT'S COREY HAIM HE IS STILL ALIVE oh wait no, it's just another jerkoff with a Failed Dating Strategy. Whatever.

For our Group Date, a bunch of us will go to the Comedy Store in LA and do a Hi-Fucking-Larious roast of Ashley. I'm running long here, so I'll condense it: Small boob joke; small boob joke; small boob joke; William says he wishes it was Emily or Chantal on the show instead of Chipmunk; small boob joke. WHOOPS! Ashley cries and cries. Bentley goes to comfort her in his menacing way and says her boobs are great and chuckles evilly and SHE EATS THAT SHIT UP. Meanwhile, William keeps hitting himself in the head with his shoe and going "Stupid! Stupid!" Dramatic shots of him wandering the streets of West Hollywood. Ashley is chatting with Demasked Guy, who tries to comfort her by telling her he adopted a three-legged dog. CHRIST MASK GUY CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT? Also, her fake eyelashes are now all wet and look like swim fins attached to her eyelids. Gross.

Next day at the Bachelorette house, Chipmunk is walking around the pool and gazing meaningfully into middle distance. She is in love with Bentley, we learn. Cut to Bentley, who says he's not "feeling it" and he "played everyone" and WTF? If by "played everyone" you mean "convinced America that I'm a psychopathic monster," then yes. He goes over there to tell her he's splitting. He makes up some shit about missing his daughter but tells us secretly it's just because he's not feeling it. Chipmunk cries cries cries cries. How will she go on without this emotionless crapmonster in her life? He's off to go home and tend to the severed heads in his fridge and torture some animals or whatever. Chicks love assholes. It is so true.

But now who will treat me like shit? PLEASE DON'T GO!!!

So she's got to pull herself together for a date with JP Gordon-Levitt. This date is apparently ordering Chinese food and sitting on the floor in PJs while she cries about Bentley. What is he, her fat best friend? Maybe they'll braid each other's hair and make collages! He gets the Sympathetic Friend Rose. Then they make out.

No pre-Rose Ceremony cocktail party b/c Chipmunk is still devastated about Psycho Killer leaving. Let's go straight to the cuts. She is wearing a dress made from crumpled aluminum foil. Maybe she and JP did crafts last night too! I fast-forwarded through most of this but I can report that she cut Mask Guy, who can now form a traveling circus with his three-legged dog, and some guy named Chris who I didn't know was on the show. That's about it.

Your Free iTunes Downloads Reviews

You may or may not know that iTunes offers a couple or a few free downloads every day. In our continuing quest to deliver Quality Content™ and Value Added Something or Other™, we will periodically listen to these free downloads and tell you if there's anything good.

IS THERE ANYTHING GOOD TODAY? Sort of, maybe.

First up is a free video!

LMFAO, "Party Rock Anthem"



Oh God this is terrible. TERRIBLE. If your stated goal is to make a "Party Rock Anthem," why is it SO FUCKING BORING? Seriously, I've heard commercials with better hooks than this song.

I could give a shit about the post-apocalyptic zombie video or whatever.

Everybody involved in this should be ashamed of themselves. Or shot.

Herencia de Timbiqui, "Y Qué"



This is fine, I guess. I don't really know anything about this kind of music. Including what genre this even is. I guess I'm trying to say that this is so far outside my wheelhouse that I have no idea whether it's any good or not.

Royal Tailor, "Black & White"



This is apparently some kind of Christian pop-rock band. JESUS IS VERY MAD AT YOU FOR MAKING THIS SONG. It's like crappy Jamiroquai. Is that redundant?

(Also, maybe I'm not reading it closely enough, but I don't detect any religious content in these lyrics at all. It seems like a run-of-the-mill "I'm sorry I hurt you and I want you back" song. Maybe the Christian part is so cleverly camoflaged that only the Pure of Heart and Spirit can decipher it, and that's not me.)

Lowline, "Outside"



It's not terrible! Compared to the others, it's positively glowing! I mean, it's derivative as all hell (hello, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club!) but that's OK. I probably wouldn't seek it out but it didn't pain me to listen to it like that fucking LMFAO song.

THE VERDICT: Might as well download the Lowline song. I mean, it's free. The "Y Qué" song is fine, if you're into that kind of thing. Avoid the other two like the fucking plague. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, that LMFAO song is the aural equivalent of botulism.

Steins;Gate ED Single - Toki Tsukasadoru Juuni no Meiyaku

Title: Steins;Gate ED Single - Toki Tsukasadoru Juuni no Meiyaku

Artist: Sakakibara Yui

Tracklist:

1. Toki Tsukasadoru Juuni no Meiyaku

2. Uruwashiki Seduce

3. Toki Tsukasadoru Juuni no Meiyaku (Off Vocal)

4. Uruwashiki Seduce (Off Vocal)

Download:
Mirrorcreator ==== Torrent

credit to shinnoden! blog

and as usual it's Nipponsei ver.
#nipponsei @ irc.rizon.net presents:

Title: STEINS;GATE ED Single - Tokitsukasadoru Juuni no Meiyaku
Artist: Sakakibara Yui
Street Release Date: May 25, 2011

------------------------------------
Tracklist:

1. Tokitsukasadoru Juuni no Meiyaku
2. Uruwashiki Seduce
3. Tokitsukasadoru Juuni no Meiyaku (Off Vocal)
4. Uruwashiki Seduce (Off Vocal)

Download
MediaApibiru

fiuh...
I haven't watch the first episode and yet I'm posting the ED...
sasuga boku da...
wahaha

================================================================

[Single] Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko ED Single - Ruru (w/ scans)

kazehiku no~
kazehiku no~

Title: Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko ED Single - Ruru
Artist: Yakushimaru Etsuko

Tracklist:
1. Ruru
2. Tokimeki Hacker
3. Ruru (off vocal ver.)
4. Tokimeki Hacker (off vocal ver.)
5. Ruru (tv-size)
6. Tokimeki Hacker (EOG only)

---------------------Download
Mirrorcreator ======== MediaFire


and here's nipponsei ver.


#nipponsei @ irc.rizon.net presents:

Title: Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko ED Single - Ruru
Artist: Yakushimaru Etsuko
Street Release Date: May 25, 2011

------------------------------------
Tracklist:

1. Ruru
2. Tokimeki Hacker
3. Ruru (off vocal ver.)
4. Tokimeki Hacker (off vocal ver.)
5. Ruru (tv-size)
6. Tokimeki Hacker (EOG only)

Download
MediaFire

hell yeah...

all hail KAZEHIKU NO~

you can find the ED anywhere, but this musicbox is rare

Original / Romaji Lyrics English Translation
source: animu lyrics dot com

kaze hiku no kaze hiku no
I'll catch a cold. I'll catch a cold.


o-futon nakute samui o-futon hagasarete samui
yoake ni anata ga kuru anata ga waratte iru

I feel cold without my futon. I'm cold with my futon stripped off.
In early morning, you showed up. You are smiling.


kitto boku ni wa mienai to omotte iru
sotto te o nobashite ittai nani o suru tsumori!?

You must've thought that I couldn't see what you're doing.
Just what are you doing softly reaching out your hand!?


kaze hiku no kaze hiku no

I'll catch a cold. I'll catch a cold.


neta furi o shite sugosu sukoshi dake atatakaku naru
tonari de anata ga nemuru urusai negoto wa mushi shite

I decided to pretend to be sleeping. I feel slightly warmer.
You're sleeping right next to me, while I ignore your tiresome sleep talk.


aaa kinou no yoru gohan nani tabeta ka omoidasenai
aaa itsumo-doori no asa douka sekai ga horobanu you ni

Aah, I can't remember what I ate for dinner last night.
Aah, it's another boring morning, and the world is not ending.


kaze hiita tte shiranai no

I did not realize that I caught a cold.


o-futon nai to samui o-futon kakusarete samui
furueru yubisaki TACCHI toiki wa SUTOOBU mitai

I'll be cold without my futon. I'm cold with my futon hid away.
Touching me with your shaking fingertip, I can feel your stove-hot breath.


kitto sugu ni wa okinai to omotte iru
zutto soba de mite'ru ittai nani o suru tsumori?

You must've thought that I'll won't wake up right away.
Just what are you doing watching me all this time right by me?


ze ga hi de mo boku wa TANUKI tsutawaru nukumori wa kounetsu?
marumaru karada futatsu kono sai akumu wa mushi shite

I'm a raccoon dog and that's that! Is this transmitted warmth a high fever?
With two rounded bodies together, this time I'll ignore any nightmare I see.


neta furi o shite sugosu sukoshi dake atatakaku naru
tonari de anata ga nemuru urusai negoto wa mushi shite

I decided to pretend to be sleeping. I feel slightly warmer.
You're sleeping right next to me, while I ignore your tiresome sleep talk.


kasanaru odeko ni KISU shite

I give a kiss to your forehead that's almost touching mine.

=================================================================

The Bachelorette: What Happens in Vegas is Boring

I gotta say, 2 episodes in, I'm not so crazy about this season and hate Ashley's stupid face and the Mask Guy and everybody but now I'm committed so I will let the hate fuel my work this season and feed on it like a lion on a wildebeest or whatever.

OK we start out with a broclave where Chris Harrison explains how group dates work to a clearly befuddled crowd of idiots and losers. Now we're off to Vegas to get some commercial tie-ins done. Ashley and William in one jet, and a bunch of bros following behind in a Baby Mama Jet. There are some interviews and Mask Guy who is still wearing a mask says "I've taken the stealth approach, and I feel like a lotta guys are riding around in cabs." Because, what, cabs are loud and garish? You can't sneak around in a cab? Mask Guy is Functionally Retarded? All 3?

Standard Vegas Establishing Shots follow. Then we have some kind of Bizarro Fake Wedding setup with William and Chipmunk ring shopping and cake tasting and then actually starting a ceremony at the Bellagio Wedding Chapel and, sadly, they don't go through with it although Chipmunk says it's the "best first date I've ever been on!" which is the same exact thing she said to Brad on their first date last season and I get the feeling if I took her for Slurpees at a 7-11 in Coalinga and then we took a Greyhound to Fresno that would also be the "best first date she's ever been on!"

They have dinner in the middle of the fucking fountain pool thing at the Bellagio. Time for some Deep Talk about William's Dead Alcoholic Dad and YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS Chipmunk has an Alcoholic Dad too but I can't tell if he's dead. Hmmmm, never would have guessed. Anyway, if you two end up together, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN because it's pretty much a lock they'll be big boozers. Then the fountains go off and whatever.

Next we have a group date where the douchecabal visits the decidedly lower-rent Monte Carlo where they will have some kind of dance competition with something called JabbaWockeeZ, who are apparently some kind of dance group. They are divided into 2 groups and have to pick names and whatever, I kind of zoned out at this point. OBSERVATION: A lot of guys in "dance crews" are Asian, am I right? There's some kind of performance and some guys and something else happens.

Oh, then there's some post-show hangouts and West, who almost definitely did not kill his wife, tells his Dead Wife Story. "You don't know when the people you love will be taken away," he says. OR DO YOU? DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN. Bentley likes Chipmunk's body and wants to do maybe something dirty. He says "She has a great body, amazing butt, rocking legs," and then he says, WE THINK, "and having her tickle my" and then they bleeped it out and he might have said "intellect" but also maybe not. He's a creep! That's why she loves him and begs him to stay on the show. Because chicks really do like assholes. It's true.

Back at the Douche Ranch, Ames is mad about Mask Guy and also Mask Guy is very contemplative and stares at the pool and wonders why the fuck he decided to look like an idiot on network television.

Now Chipmunk and "Mickey" are at Mandalay Bay and she thinks he looks "A MAY ZING" because he put a fucking blazer on over a t-shirt. Imagine if he put on a tux! She'd pass out from excitement. Mickey has a Dead Mom and the stench of death hangs heavy over our contestants. Now Chipmunk may be dying too, as she reports that she has "atunophon," which is a horrible, crippling malady OH WAIT she had a "ton of fun." Never mind. Then they have a private concert by Colbie Caillat and Mickey looks REAL EXCITED which makes me wonder a little about Mickey.

Let's move along. We're all back in LA now and getting ready for the Rose Ceremony and finally Ash has a sitdown with Mask Guy who, in short order, reveals that he had a brain hemorrhage, is 35, and has been divorced. Jesus, you should drop this human wreckage like a sack of dirt.

[At this point in my notes, I wrote down that The Wife said to me "I thought we covered this. Do not draw on the dog." SORRY.]

Instead, Mask Guy gets to stay! Who left? Hairdresser, Eyebrows, and the Guy Who Called His Mom. Who calls his Mom again and it is SO FUCKING CREEPY but at least he's not on this trainwreck anymore. Dating your Mom is better than being on the Bachelorette. There I said it.

A Channel OP Single - Morning Arch [Kawano Marina]

first shinnoden ver.

Title: A Channel OP Single - Morning Arch
Artist: Kawano Marina

------------------------------------
Tracklist:
1. Morning Arch
2. I meet You
3. FOCUS! FOCUS!
4. Morning Arch (Instrumental)

Mirrorcreator =================== MediaFire


and this is nipponsei ver.

#nipponsei @ irc.rizon.net presents:

Title: A Channel OP Single - Morning Arch
Artist: Kawano Marina
Street Release Date: May 25, 2011

------------------------------------
Tracklist:

1. Morning Arch
2. I meet You
3. FOCUS! FOCUS!
4. Morning Arch (Instrumental)

http://www.mediafire.com/?2ispvjx4byin5bb

it's not like the others, this song's rather easy to listen... and have happy feelings attached to it...
well I can't really comment on NON-BAND songs.. but this is kinda good

================================================================

C: THE MONEY OF SOUL AND POSSIBILITY CONTROL ED Single - RPG

[Single] C: THE MONEY OF SOUL AND POSSIBILITY CONTROL ED Single - RPG

Title: C: THE MONEY OF SOUL AND POSSIBILITY CONTROL ED Single - RPG
Artist: School Food Punishment
Tracklist:
1. RPG
2. Slide show
3. Transition period

Download Links
Mirror creator shinnoden
MediaFire = Nipponsei

another noteworthy ost for Spring 2011 Animu =_=
yes... it is noteworthy

===============================================================

Ao no Exorcist ED Single : 2PM - Take off

Single: Ao no Exorcist ED Single - Take off

Catalog Number: BVCL-212
Release Date: 18/05/2011
Performed by: 2PM
File Format: MP3
File Size: ~31mb

Tracklist
01 - Take off
02 - Heartbeat -Japanese ver.-
03 - Take off (Instrumental)
04 - Heartbeat -Japanese ver.- (Instrumental)

Download Links
MF
Shinnoden MF

Korean boyband singing japanese anime ED?
all the fangirls are having great time though -_-

PV

Private Video... LOL!

Lyrics

Kimi to deatta no wa tada no gūzen janai
Kore wo unmei to yobunda

Sono hitomi ni utsuru bokutachi ga kagayaite i rareru yō ni
Zutto mitsume tsuzukete

(I’ll be) Itsu no himo kimi ni
(With you) Egao wo tayasanai
Ima koko de chikaitai (you and me)

(Please be) Dakara moshi kono mune ga
(With me) Michi ni mayou hi ni wa
Mirai e no tobira wo hiraite hoshii

Ready ready ready for the take off
Michinaru sekai e to maiagarunda
Dakara (dakara) sono te hanasanaide

Ready ready ready for the take off
Yume ga mezasu basho e
Tsukanda kono kizuna nigirishimete

Dare mo ga idomu toki
Fuan ni karareru sonna toki wa sotto senaka oshite yo

(Please be) Kimi no sono hitokoto wa
(With me) Tsugini susumu tame no tsuyoi yūki ni naru mahō no kotoba

Ready ready ready for the take off
Chiheisen mezasunda ano mukou de kimi to dareka ga matteiru

Ready ready ready for the take off
Umarekawaru basho e
Mai orirunda hitotsu ni naru tame ni

Low low low to the flow We got a future kanjirou (aiight!)
Baby make that and break down let’s jump up, let’s jump up! (oh!)
We’re gonna go high, jidai kaiketsu motometa do you want it? oh my God!
Everybody do it now sonomama we will show you how
Baby it’s my dream but sore wa just joking
Let me hear kimi ni todokeru we are ready, let’s take off!

De ai ga inochi wo hakonde ikerunda

Ready ready ready for the take off
Yume ga mezasu basho e
Tenishite kono kizuna nigirishimete

English

Meeting you wasn’t fate
This is what you call luck

So that we who reflects in those eyes shine
I keep looking

(i’ll be) Whenever at you
(will you) I will never erase my smiling face
I will swear now
(you and me)

(please please)
So if this heart (will be)
loses its way
I hope you open the door to the future

ready ready ready for the take off
Lets rise heading for the unknown world
So (so) don’t let go of that hand

ready ready ready for the take off
The place where the dream is the goal
Grab this connection that you have hold of

When someone challenges
In case of such worry, lightly push the back

(please please)
Your one word (will be)
Is the magic word that will give me strong bravery to go the next

ready ready ready for the take off
heading for the horizon
at that place
you and someone else is waiting

ready ready ready for the take off
at the place where you were born again
you are fluttering coming down
to become one

(rap)
the meeting moves to life
saving it

ready ready ready for the take off
the place where the dream is the goal
Grab this connection that you have hold of

source for lyrics: here



see ya~

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The World God Only Knows II - OP Single - A Whole New World God Only Knows

Opening Version



Lyrics (TV Size)

I don’t Wanna Let the Chance Slip Away
Why is my Freedom Taken Away?
Prisoners Against Emotion
I’ve gotta deal with extreme Frustration

All my Efforts Will never be in vain
Endless desire, like a haunting refrain
Such a pain, the ideal versus the real
There is a way to change the world

Just count on me…

So what if I sing off-key, who cares
Not good at drawing, no big deal
Let me go for my one true belief

Overcome yourself….
(Overcome Myself)

“A Whole new world god only knows”
I’ll always be on your side
(I know you’re hurt inside)
To be a knight, to be a light,
(To be alive, to be alive)
For you…
(We’ll be shining bright)
No More Fears, No More Tears
Everything will work out

That’s “God Only Knows”
Don’t get me wrong
This is not real love, but
I’ll do anything for you

Whatever happens while I turn the page and come of age
(Remember no one can judge me)
Every end meets the new beginning of the next stage
Try to make my life complete, trust myself
Be strong and do my best
Don’t look back, Carry on!

(Be yourself, be happy, it’s your life)
(God Only Knows, Find your love, find your way, for your life)



[Single] Kami Nomi zo Shiru Sekai II OP Single - A Whole New World God Only Knows (w/ scans)

another invasion of short post begins

Title: Kami Nomi zo Shiru Sekai II OP Single - A Whole New World God Only Knows
Artist: Oratorio The World God Only Knows

Tracklist:
1. A Whole New World God Only Knows
2. A Brand New World God Only Knows
3. A Whole New World God Only Knows (Instrumental)
4. A Brand New World God Only Knows (Instrumental)

---------------------Download
Mirrorcreator ---------------- MediaFire

links by shinnoden


my job is done, now's your turn Dwi_Edge
eh?
but you already put all of them
so what should I do?
you can't do it right ?
NANI??
then prove it
OOOKKAAYY!!
*rustle-rustle* *working*
.........
.........
.........
.........
muri da...

ROFL!

ehehe... actually I'm done and now I'll add Nipponsei ver.

#nipponsei @ irc.rizon.net presents:

Title: Kami Nomi zo Shiru Sekai II OP Single - A Whole New World God Only Knows
Artist: Oratorio The World God Only Knows
Street Release Date: May 18, 2011

------------------------------------

Tracklist:
1. A Whole New World God Only Knows
2. A Brand New World God Only Knows
3. A Whole New World God Only Knows (Instrumental)
4. A Brand New World God Only Knows (Instrumental)

------------------------------------

Download

http://www.mediafire.com/?ovf72degysga6nf

what?
you can't beat your god...
kami-ni-samaaaa