Lyric Deconstruction: "American Ride"

Toby Keith, 2009



Winter gettin' colder, summer gettin' warmer.

Tidal wave comin' 'cross the Mexican border.

Why buy a gallon, it's cheaper by the barrel.

Just dont get busted singin' Christmas carols.



By this point, about 24 seconds into the song, you're probably thinking "Oh no, here's some more Toby Keith retarded bullshit," and you're partially right. It's difficult to put a charitable spin on "Tidal wave comin' cross the Mexican border." And if you have any reports of anyone being arrested for singing Christmas carols, do forward them.



That's us, that's right

Gotta love this American ride.

Both ends of the ozone burnin.

Funny how the world keeps turnin.

Look ma, no hands.

I love this American ride.

Gotta love this American ride.



I feel like I really don't have to explain that ozone degradation and the rotation of the Earth are two widely disconnected phenomena. I mean, we could lose the entire ozone layer - indeed, the entire atmosphere - and the world would keep turnin, for billions of years. It's angular momentum, a widely-understood property of physics. So it's really not that funny that the world keeps turnin. IT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL.



But wait! You have to see the video to appreciate this song. I mean, it's a terrible video, but it makes clear that this song is an equal opportunity hater.







There's a fascinating scene that begins around :40. We see the classic American Gothic couple, only they're getting foreclosed on! And what's replacing the family farm? Big box stores!



Now wait a minute. Isn't the guiding principle of unfettered capitalism that you should be free to do whatever you want with your money? So if you're Best Buy or whatever and you want to buy a farm and put up a store there, you should be able to, right? So what's the problem, Toby Keith? What are you, some kind of socialist?



Momma gets her rocks off watchin' Desperate Housewives.

Daddy works his ass off payin' for the good life.

Kids on the YouTube learnin how to be cool.

Livin in a cruel world, pays to be a mean girl.



I guess this is more or less the standard kind of workin-hard-to-make-a-buck-my-wife-don't-understand country music stuff. Hard to have any problem with that.



Chorus



At this stage in the video, we are presented with two interesting animated images. The first is Pat Robertson riding George W. Bush like a horse. Let's set aside the extremely disturbing aspects of this tableau and try to divine what's implied here - that Bush was a tool of the Religious Right? Meh, he certainly had that potential, and God knows what would have happened, but 9/11 kind of took the focus off those nutbags.



The second image is Obama being carried aloft by Wall Street bankers. Hard to argue with that. In fact, that's probably the most straightforward and accurate political commentary in the whole thing.



Poor little infamous, America's town.

She gained five pounds and lost her crown.

Quick fix plastic surgical antidote.

Got herself a record deal, can't even sing a note.



Hmmmm. Well, Dominique Ramirez, Miss San Antonio, did, in fact, lose accuse pageant officials of taking her crown when she gained weight. But I have no information that she got herself a record deal.



(I initially thought this was a backhanded slap at Carrie Underwood, another former pageant contestant who got herself a record deal. But I think the consensus is that she's a perfectly fine singer, although, I confess, I'm not really down with the Nashville gossip.)



Plasma gettin bigger, Jesus gettin smaller.

Spill a cup of coffee, make a million dollars.

Customs caught a thug with an aerosol can.

If the shoe don't fit, fits gonna hit the shan.



I have to confess, when I first heard this, I thought "I, for one, am glad that plasma is widely available! It's a valuable life-saving tool that doctors in emergency situations use every day!" Oh, wait, he's not talking about that, is he. Oh, he means TVs.



Well, so what if TVs are getting bigger! That's progress!



I won't even bother with the frivolous lawsuits thing. Yawn.



The last line is completely impenetrable, and I assume the songwriters just ran out of gas at the end. Just as I have here.



Chorus

Lyric Deconstruction: "Friday"

Rebecca Black, 2011

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah



By now you know the story. Dead-eyed teen becomes YouTube sensation through her existentially sad, Auto-tuned pop confection. But why is this the "Worst Song Ever" when something like Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me" is just terrible? What did Rebecca Black do to deserve this?

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

The problem, perhaps, is this: when we listen to pop music, we want to be transported. We want to hear about happiness, fun, romance. You know what's not fun to hear about? Someone else's morning routine. But that's the genius of this song! It's elevating the mundane to the level of the sublime. Of course you gotta have your bowl! Who among us doesn't? Of course you gotta catch your bus! Me too, Rebecca. Me too.

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

You take the back seat:

In an analysis of frontal collision data from 1980-91, researchers Donald Huelke and Charles Compton of the U-M Transportation Research Institute found that, when comparing front-seat occupants and rear-seat passengers—both belted and unrestrained—in the same crash, those in the back seat more often than not sustain less severe injuries than those in the front seat.

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

Fun fun fun! Who could argue with that? Unfortunately - and I think I'm getting at the root of the problem, to the extent there is a problem, with this song - Rebecca's flat affect and mercilessly compressed vocals don't suggest "Fun fun fun" so much as "My overbearing stage Mom is forcing me to do this send help I don't want this." Soembody should slow down the video and see if she's sending a Morse Code message with eye blinks.

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

That's right, Rebecca. Fun, fun, think about fun. Don't think about the endless mall performances you're going to be required to do or how sad this whole endeavor seems to even the most casual observer. Think about fun. You got this.

[Chorus]

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin')
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today
Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after ... wards
I don't want this weekend to end

There are some other days, too. Moonday? Wershday? Something like that. I can't remember. It's not fun fun fun.

Hey, time for a break with our Creepily Older Rapper!

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin' in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I'm drivin', cruisin' (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin' lanes
Wit' a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend
We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all

WHOA. Passing the school bus makes you wanna scream, huh? Stay tuned for our next hit, "Megan's Law Is Such a Drag."

[Chorus x 2]

By the end, you're just praying to die.

Lyric Deconstruction: ".... Baby One More Time"

Britney Spears, 1998

Oh baby, baby
Oh baby, baby
Oh baby, baby

Oh baby, baby indeed. Britney Spears was 16 years old when this song was released, which makes the coquette-in-high-school video both alluring and creepy. Although, I guess it should be pointed out, the age of consent in a whole lot of states is 16.

The song was written by Max Martin, who also wrote a bunch of songs for the Backstreet Boys and wrote “Since U Been Gone,” which is, regardless of how you feel about Kelly Clarkson, a pure pop gem. Max Martin is kind of a pop genius.

How was I supposed to know
That something wasn't right here
Oh baby baby
I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're out of sight, yeah

Wait a minute. If Britney didn’t know that something wasn’t right, why did she let him (at least, I’m assuming it’s a “him;” if it’s a “her,” the mind reels) go? You typically don’t let anyone go unless you know full well that something’s wrong.

Show me, how you want it to be
Tell me baby
'Cause I need to know now what we've got

It’s impossible to sing “show me how you want it to be” without it sounding sort of like “show me how you want to do me.” I know because we used to cover this song in my old band and people fucking loved it. I bet the “want it to be”/”want to do me” thing isn’t accidental.

[CHORUS:]
My loneliness is killing me
I must confess, I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time

Here we come to the most troubling part of the song. WTF, exactly, does “Hit me baby one more time” mean? I see three possible meanings:

1. Literal: Actually, physically hit me. If this is the correct meaning, this song is very fucking disturbing.

2. Semi-slang: Like, “hit me up,” get in touch with me. A colloquialism I kinda hate but at least makes some kind of sense in the song. But was “hit me up” in common use in 1998, and especially in Sweden, where Max Martin was writing these charmingly ESL lyrics?

3. The Full Vegas: She’s got a hard 15, and the dealer’s showing an 8. “Hit me.” Unlikely. But now that I look at it, you could analyze the whole song as a paean to blackjack. “I shouldn’t have let you go” – shouldn’t have stuck on that pair of 8’s. I should have split. STUPID STUPID STUPID. Again, though, this interpretation seems unlikely.

CONCLUSION: Who the fuck knows? All of the possibilities are weird, in one way or another.

[I do note that, according to Wiki, "The song was originally titled 'Hit Me Baby One More Time,' but it was revised to '...Baby One More Time' since Jive Records executives were concerned that the song would condone domestic violence."]

Oh baby, baby
The reason I breathe is you
Boy you got me blinded
Oh baby, baby
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
That's not the way I planned it

Well, at the risk of belaboring the obvious, if it’s not the way you planned it, you shouldn’t have let him go. Just saying.

Show me, how you want it to be
Tell me baby
'Cause I need to know now what we've got

[Repeat CHORUS]

Oh baby, baby
Oh baby, baby
Ah, yeah, yeah
Oh baby, baby
How was I supposed to know
Oh pretty baby
I shouldn't have let you go
I must confess, that my loneliness
Is killing me now
Don't you know I still believe
That you will be here
And give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time

I guess now these lyrics seem especially poignant in the wake of Britney’s very public crackup, what with the head shaving and the Jason Alexander - no not that Jason Alexander - marrying and all that. I don’t know if it’s her loneliness that’s killing her, but something is. I don’t think being followed around 24/7 by a pack of photographers can be any good for anyone.

[Repeat CHORUS]

I must confess that my loneliness
Is killing me now
Don't you know I still believe
That you will be here
And give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time

Lyric Deconstruction: Take the Money and Run

Steve Miller Band, 1976

This here's a story about Billy Joe and Bobbie Sue
Two young lovers with nothin' better to do
Than sit around the house, get high, and watch the tube
And here is what happened when they decided to cut loose

Oh, good, a story song! I like story songs. Now, the names "Billy Joe" and "Bobbie Sue" indicate to me that this story probably takes place in the South. You never hear a grownup with two names anywhere else. What if your orthopedic surgeon was named "Jimmy Ray"? Would that freak you out?

Also, who hasn't had that period in your life when all you did was sit around the house, get high, and watch TV? For me, it was called "college." KIDDING. Sort of.

They headed down to, ooh, old El Paso
That's where they ran into a great big hassle
Billy Joe shot a man while robbing his castle
Bobbie Sue took the money and run

Yeah, I knew it was going to be in the South somewhere. Although Texas isn't really the South. Texas is kind of its own thing. When I think "South," I think Alabama, not Texas.

Anyway, back to our story. WHOA, didn't see that coming! They're a crime team. "Hassle" is putting it mildly, isn't it?

Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run

Right, the chorus. Not much going on here lyrically.

Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain't gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his livin' off of the people's taxes

A new character, Billy Mack! He knows "what the facts is"? Steve Miller, please. There's no real rhyme scheme at all in any verse in this song, so would it have killed you to say "what the facts are"?

I love the last line in this verse for a couple of reasons: (1) Steve obviously was trying to think of words that rhymed with "Texas," and you can just see that he went "Oh, taxes, yeah!" and then had to think of some way to make the word "taxes" work in the song, so (2) It's so wonderfully irrelevant. It's like Dirty Harry stopping in the middle of the movie and looking at the camera and saying "You know, it's your tax dollars that pay for necessary police services like the type I provide"; and (3) You have to think that if Steve wrote this in 1996 instead of 1976 it would be something like "He gets his secretary to send his faxes".

Bobbie Sue, whoa, whoa, she slipped away
Billy Joe caught up to her the very next day
They got the money, hey You know they got away
They headed down south and they're still running today

Slipped away from what? Steve left the best part of the story out of the song!! I guess we're supposed to imagine that Billy Mack caught up with them and there was some sort of confrontation, but that's the money shot! C'mon, Steve! That's like not ever seeing the shark in "Jaws," but just having a lot of people talk about how someone got eaten. Not the same effect.

Singin' go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run

I don't want to step on your songwriting or anything, Steve, but it's a little repetitive at this point.

UPDATE: In response to Burrito Justice's request, I have managed to locate the missing verse! Here it is:

Bobbie Sue put the money in derivatives
Sold exotic securities like chopped-up mortgages
Billy Mack lost the house where he used to live
Bobbie Sue took a bailout and run

Huh. So that's how they eluded Billy Mack. Weird.