Melt the pounds, and sadness, away with the TK Diet

Imagine my dismay when I stepped upon the scale after returning from Thanksgiving break and found that I had ballooned to an unsavory 205 pounds. Now, I'm 6'4" tall, so it's not like I'm getting mistaken for Chris Farley (plus, I'm not dead, so there's that), but I like to keep things in the 190 to 200 range. My lanky frame drives the ladies wild. Or something.

So I'm on the TK Diet. Now, let me warn you, the TK Diet is not for everyone. Actually, it's never been medically evaluated, and from what I can tell, it's probably extremely unsafe for anyone except me. So don't try this at home.

Here's how it works: I figure I need to cut my intake to about 2400 calories a day to become de-fatified. It's actually kind of surprising how easy this is. First, let's get the eating part out of the way. Have a sandwich and a Lean Cuisine and a lot of cucumber and blah blah blah you're only up to like 800 calories. I don't really care so much about the food. That leaves 1600 calories for what's important:

BOOZE.

Now, you can just forget Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (175 cal). God forbid you have a Flying Dog Double Dog Pale Ale (292 fucking calories! Jesus!). We're all about getting the most per calorie we can.

I guess you could go with Michelob Ultra (94) but I had 4 of them last night and they taste like ass. Miller Lite has 96, but come the fuck on. We're not drinking that.

No, in the end I'll spend the extra 50 calories a can and stick with good old PBR (153). Cheap, reliable, dependable.

Or I guess you could have 22 shots of Jameson instead (70 cal). THAT'S LIVIN' RIGHT THERE.




(Practitioners of the TK Diet, you will find this site and this site extremely helpful.)

How funny is it that Collegedrinkingprevention.gov has a handy-dandy alcohol calorie calculator right there on the site? THANKS, COLLEGE DRINKING PREVENTION!!! Now I can get shitfaced without getting fat! You guys rule.