Top 5: New Year's Resolutions

I’m not really a resolutions kind of guy. I’ve never made any before, so I’ve never had to keep any. In fact, these aren’t really resolutions, per se. They’re more vague goals that I will write down in the hope that writing them down will motivate me to actually do them.

1. See at least one live music show a month

In 2006, I think I went to about 25 to 30 shows. In 2007, it was about 15. Last year, I think I maybe went to 8, if that. That’s lame. I love seeing live music and there’s no way I’m playing the “I’m getting older” card, so I hereby resolve to see at least 12 shows in 2009. One per month.

2. Learn how to make wine at home

This is going to be my new hobby. I’m not trying to make knockoff Opus One in my kitchen or anything; I just thought it would be a cool project. I’ll keep you posted.

3. Try to be more cool and patient

You may not have picked this up about me, but I can be wound a little tight at times. I'm sort of constantly cursing other people under my breath for real and perceived slights against me, like (1) standing there blocking the door of the BART train looking around instead of just fucking walking into it; (2) standing to the left on escalators, when everybody knows it's stand right, walk left; (3) taking too long at the ATM; (4) turning without using a turn signal; (5) you get the point.

So I'm going to try to calm down a little and take things more in stride instead of mentally screaming "YOU FAT FUCK!!! MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!! I KNOW YOU'RE MORBIDLY OBESE, BUT YOU SURE WON'T GET ANOTHER DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER JUST STANDING THERE IN FRONT OF ME!!!" Calm blue ocean. Calm blue ocean. Namaste.

4. Shoot up smack with a Thai hooker in the back room of a secret members-only bar in the Tenderloin

Wait, that was a 2006 resolution. Sorry.

5. Exercise more / eat better